Aku's

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Departure

A guy had broke up with his girlfriend a week ago. His thoughts was in the reasons of what had happen. And the future didn't seem so meaningful anymore. How come he had been so stupid and thoughtless. He was sitting in his car holding the key in his hand. The car was an old Toyota Tercel from the 80's. There was an old gray air conditioning tube attached to the exhaust pipe. It led into the car via the open window. He wished he could travel few weeks back in time. And behave differently. Hoping and regretting was useless now. Things once done can not be undone. How come I continue with my life anymore. I am what I am. A monster wearing a human costume. Sometimes said to be handsome, ironically. What comes because of the outer shell goes because of what's inside. Fuck! I'm gonna start the car now! It doesn't make any sense to carry on with life. He hit the clutch pedal and pressed the key. But he couldn't start the car. Instead, he opened the door. Somewhere nearby some fairly big bird wafted and screamed loudly. He looked upward but he didn't see the bird. He smelled a clean air in the woods. A clear picture of his ex-girlfriend in his mind he looked at the remoteness. A few tears drained down the cheek. He got up on his feet and left the door open. He stepped slowly to next to a big pine tree. "This flows directly from out of my head" he thought silently himself. After deflating a moment he turned around, closed his zipper and kicked the air conditioning tube away from the exhaust pipe. He removed all the duct tape and threw the tube in the trunk. I have dreams of my own. I want to see and hear things before my departure. It can not end like this, not this fast and not this young. No, even the one was gone.

Few months of normal everyday life went by without any bigger events or drama in his life. He had seen a few nice smiles and flirts in a bar. But those led to nothing bigger. No one didn't even come by to say hi. Not that he felt like he would have wanted that. He considered himself as a monster that no one should ever contact. In addition, he thought there was only one person for everyone, the one. In his case the one was already gone. So nobody else should bother. He wasn't standing on his own feet yet. But he was going towards that. Slowly but still going. He had decided to face the truth as it was in all its bitterness. He decided to admit all the things that he thought was true. He strongly believed a happy quality life must be based on the truth. No one can ever change the truth. It's strong as a bedrock. No matter what seemingly happens the truth still stays as true. Earlier event in his life was true, so he had to be a monster. And because of that he couldn't go for a date anymore. Ever. He was a solitary soul and that was the truth. And still sometimes he felt lonely in this large crazy world. How this kind of conflict could be even possible was a complete mystery to him.

Weeks went by and there was some signs of the spring coming in the air. There was a beautiful weather outside. The sun was shining, birds was singing and creeks was purling. And what's best it was a day off. He brought his sunbed from a storage and took it next to a barbecue hut. Slowly swilling his coffee he was lying in the sun thinking his life. All the suicide thoughts was gone and it wasn't a solution for him anymore. Instead, he kept thinking his future. Sometimes while thinking that it came back to him to start all over from scratch. But there were lots of open questions related to that without a good answer. Maybe he could just disappear without anyone knowing what really happend. Or maybe he could even frame his own death. Or just move to another country. But the biggest consern was how to change to a better person and how to get rid of a solitary attitude. That seemed to be so natural for him. While thinking these questions he started to feel like he was tied up permanently to stay in his miserable life. In theory, he could do things freely whatever he wanted. But it would take some time. On the otherhand, things weren't that bad that he must do such things. But still, something had to change. That's for sure. The summer vacation was approaching. It was only few weeks away. So he decided to do something really liberating. He wanted to feel free and get rid of his chains.

He was walking in the town knowing exactly where to go. He headed to a caravan rental. All the rents was too high in his opinion. But that didn't prevent him to have the best camper for a week only for himself. He drove back to home and packed the camper like he was going to be away much longer. He had cleaned up his apartment in so good condition like it was for sale. Day became night when he finally started the engine of the camper. He headed north. The sun started to set. But he had decided to drive the whole night. There wasn't much traffic. Also, the wearther was excelent. The camper disappeared in to the horizon. The caravan rental company got good sum of money from the insurance company. First, the electricity was cut off from the apartment because of not paid bills. Later, the apartment was sold by his relatives. The camper was never found.

Aku

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