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A man walked a bit slouching around narrow hallways of a local grocery store. He did his routine round slower than usual. He was depressed. That he didn't want to show to anybody.

He arrived to a counter and saw again the same cashier with her too cheery smile. She was something he didn't want to see right now. Why couldn't there be another guy for instance the guy who never smiled at him neither said anything else than needed. Only the price and thank you.

The cashier lady seemed to become delighted when she saw the man. A fake smile trained years in the backroom rose on her lips.
- Good morning! How are you?

Oh fuck, asking that right now, he thought. His mother had died a month earlier. The funeral had been a surprisingly heavy experience for him. He had imagined himself more harder and more colder. But he didn't get over it yet.

It had been opposite in his father's funeral five years ago. The old man had been drinking huge amount of liquor every weekends and holidays. He had been smoking so much that it was a miracle how long he had lived.

Maybe it was this sorrow caused by the death of his mother that had made his girlfriend to go with someone else a week ago. It didn't just work, she had said. Some guy in a volvo had taken her away. Then the volvo had driven away like crazy. That intimate kiss on the front seat didn't leave any room for guessings.

Or maybe it was because he couldn't get children. The doctor had said it was impossible. And simply because there was something wrong in him.

At the same visit to the doctor's they had taken a blood test. There had been some kind of misunderstanding in the laboratory at first. He was supposed to be fine and healthy. But after three days the doctor had called him surprisingly and asked him to come by as soon as possible. In further exams they had found a prostate cancer. To heal from that was very unlikely. He had only a year left. If he was lucky maybe two.

He had no one to tell his feelings. His big brother was in a jail for a second year now because of drugs. The brother had taken father's death much more seriously than he. So far the brother had used drugs only rarely. In the funeral he had been in a condition that he couldn't even carry the coffin. He had seen who knows what monsters in the glass paintings of the church.

He didn't have any other siblings. The only cousin from mother's side had been in a fierce traffic accident some years ago. Hits into head and back had taken senses from legs. She could barely talk anymore.

He realized to still standing on front of the smiling cashier lady like in a trance.
- Well, I've had some flu. He said quietly and try to smile even a little.
- That could be really annoying. She said and pursed her lips like she could understand his pain.


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